Introducing the Maximus Omnifunctional Household Appliance...

We bought an iRobot Scooba about a year ago. If you are not familiar with this incredible piece of engineering, let me tell you about it. Basically, the Scooba is a robotic mopper similar to its brethren, the Roomba, which is a robotic vacuum cleaner. The Scooba is so much more advanced because of how it accomplishes the complex task of mopping. There are four tasks the Scooba performs in the mopping process:

1. First it vacuums up particles and dirt it comes across.
2. Second it soaps the floor by spraying on a fragrant cleansing solution.
3. Third it scrubs the soaped floor with a spinning brush.
4. Finally, it sucks up all the dirtied cleansing solution leaving a clean shine.

Better yet, the Scooba does all of this automatically at a push of a button.

You may think this is quite a fancy piece of hardware that is hard to top. However, this is not our most advanced household appliance we own! No, I am not referring to my fiance. I am referring to our Maximus Omnifunctional Household Appliance...

Whereas the Scooba only mops the floor, the Maximus Omnifunctional Household Appliance can perform the following tasks:

1. Shredder: The Maximus Omnifunctional Household Appliance is extremely adept at shredding pretty much anything. This includes, but does not exclude: Newspapers, paper towels, toilet paper, facial tissue, cardboard boxes, junk mail, magazines, stuffed animals, rubber toys, plastics (such as water bottles) and wooden furniture.
   
2. Dustbuster: The Maximus Omnifunctional Household Appliance has extremely fine-tuned sensors to sense by sight or scent whenever any organic or non-organic item falls to the floor. As soon as such an item falls, the Maximus Omnifunctional Household Appliance will immediately retrieve the item and if organic, the item will be consumed. If item is non-organic, it will be shredded as described above.
   
3. Dishwasher: The Maximus Omnifunctional Household Appliance will take any dirty dishes placed on any floor and lick it to a spotless shine! Guaranteed or your money back!
   
4. Garbage disposal: All manner of non-edible organic material can be disposed of by the Maximus Omnifunctional Household Appliance. This includes, but not does exclude: bones, banana peels, and corn cobs.
   
5. Foot pillow: The Maximus Omnifunctional Household Appliance comes with a handsome carrying case made of all-natural fur. The fur is self heated and scented with a patented Maximus Omnifunctional Household Appliance fragrance. The Maximus Omnifunctional Household Appliance will automatically follow you throughout the house and position itself at your feet wherever you may be sitting, whether you are on the couch in the living room or on a chair in the dining room.
   
6. Security Intruder Detector: The Maximus Omnifunctional Household Appliance includes a finely-tuned set of two large antenna dishes capable of detecting noise in frequencies far beyond the human ear. At the approach of strangers at any entrance of the house or on the premises, an alarm will immediate sound to alert all occupants of the house and the occupants of neighboring houses.
   
7. Acupuncture: The Maximus Omnifunctional Household Appliance comes with built-in needle sharp acupuncture devices which can provide relief from many aches and pains. Note: This feature is still under development and has a tendency to cause many aches and pains instead of relieving aches and pains. This feature is not recommended for use until the firmware has been upgraded.
   
8. Herbicide generator and distributor: The Maximus Omnifunctional Household Appliance has a built-in feature of processing all organic waste collected as described in the dustbuster feature above and then generates a solution that will kill any and all plants, which it will spray with this herbicidal solution automatically on command. Note: this feature is still under development and will occasionally disburse herbicide solution indoors. A firmware upgrade addressing this defect will be available shortly.
9. Fertilizer generator and distributor: The Maximus Omnifunctional Household Appliance has a built-in feature of processing all organic waste collected as described in the dustbuster feature above and then generates a miracle-gro-like fertilizer that is also highly nutritious for all of your garden plants. The Maximus Omnifunctional Household Appliance will automatically alert owners when fertilizer material is ready to be disbursed and will automatically find a location in the yard to be fertilized. As a bonus feature, fertilizer is often disbursed in public parks and in the yards of neighbors when fertilizer material is available.
   
10. Entertainer: The Maximus Omnifunctional Household Appliance is capable of responding to verbal commands to perform tricks of high entertainment value, such as roll-over, sit, laydown and give-paw.
    
11. Stress reliever and personal fitness/health trainer: The Maximus Omnifunctional Household Appliance is great for your health as it requires owners to take walks daily walks around the block and will alarm you if you have been inactive sitting on the couch watching too much television.
12. Greeter: The Maximus Omnifunctional Household Appliance is designed to greet owners and guests alike upon arrival to house and premises. Upon greeting, it will allow owners and guests to wipe and cleanse their hands on its handsome fur carrying case, which again, is scented with the popular, patented Maximus Omnifunctional Household Appliance fragrance.
    
13. Companion: The Maximus Omnifunctional Household Appliance is capable of offering a high amount of companionship to its owners. Although the Maximus Omnifunctional Household Appliance requires excessive maintenance, such as weekly cleanings, the owner is rewarded with constant affection, constant attention, and a warm loving friend.
    

Although the Maximus Omnifunctional Household Appliance has several software defects, the firmware is highly upgradeable and relatively easy to upgrade, though firmware upgrades may be time-consuming depending on the level of upgrade required.

Unfortunately, the Maximus Omnifunctional Household Appliance is not found in stores due to its limited production quantity. There are other Omnifunctional Household Appliance similar to the Maximus Omnifunctional Household Appliance but we have found none that match the powerful capabilities that the Maximus Omnifunctional Household Appliance offers. Regardless, we would definitely recommend our friends to buy an Omnifunctional Household Appliance for themselves as soon as possible to experience the joy of owning one. I think it is safe to say that we truly love our Maximus Omnifunctional Household Appliance and honestly, we don't know how we ever lived without it!

Max and Friends!

Toys! Toys! and more Toys!

Max is one spoiled puppy! Look at all his toys! Of course he goes through them rather quickly.
Some of these are old toys from my childhood days. Anyone remember pound puppies?

Max loves to bite off their noses and then they're toast.

Feel free to donate your used toys for the Maximus Foundation. ;)

Rubber Ducky, you're the one, You make bath time lots of fun!

Max weighs about 13 lbs here. He couln't fit inside the sink so now he is taking baths in the bathtub! Look at him with his little head peaking out of the bathtub!

He also loves his rubber ducky toy. He plays with it outside the bathtub.

The bath was a bit difficult. He doesn't like taking baths and has a tendency to struggle in a vain attempt to run. He is also very aggressive toward the blow dryer, as he is about most hand held machinery. We try not to give him too many baths as giving a puppy too many baths may cause a dog to develop allergies in adulthood. We generally try not to give him baths more often than biweekly. So Max starts to smell after a while. Max is definitely not a waterdog, but maybe he will learn to like water.

Congratulations Max!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

April 14, 2007

Max graduated from puppy school today!!

He can now sit, stay, give us his paw, and roll over.

Max took a final exam to pass puppy school. There were a few stations. At each station, Max had to do something specific ie. sit.

Then all the puppies played musical chairs... well, the adults could only sit down after their dogs sat down. Max did not win the largest treat. He wouldn't move and the music had to be restarted a few times for him. Congratulations Max!!!!


You can see Max's first girlfriend, Molly, in the picture above.
They like to cuddle and play together. Molly is a
bloodhound and the only puppy that Max is quite fond of.



It's Max and his golden retriever friend, Bentley!

In Dog We Trust...

Since the day we got Max, we have not allowed Max to come upstairs where it is fully carpeted and where all the bedrooms are. The lower level of our house is fully tiled with a few rugs of relatively low value. Our reasons were simple, it is easier to clean pee and poo from tile than from carpet. However, because Max was never allowed upstairs, being the upstairs area was like being in nirvana to Max! There is not another place he would rather be. To Max, being upstairs was fun and exciting and living the high life! Occasionally, Max would be a bad puppy and run up the stairs and run around in circles barking like a rebelious mad Max! We would quickly gather him up, scold him and take him downstairs.

But for the past several weeks, Max has not had an accident anywhere inside the house. We had stuck to his crate training schedule like a school master of a catholic school. We always take Max out back after naps, in the mornings, after eating and after playing... we basically take him out the time. We would always reward him with a treat for peeing outside on command. After sticking to that strict housetraining schedule for months and having to cleaning up many "mistakes" early on, we were finally getting paid off! Our puppy was finally able to hold his water and we could finally trust the puppy!

So one day, Max was particularly stinky from a hike earlier in the day. Bath time! Usually we carry Max upstairs to the bath tub for his bath. However this time, we let Max run upstairs behind us and he was loving it! He was so happy to be upstairs running around freely, it was just achingly cute! Plus, Max was such a good puppy for being mistake free for so many weeks, Max deserved some slack in the "no upstairs" rule. That night after his bath, we let Max up onto our bed to play with him as we were preparing for bed. He was having quite a ball romping around the tangle of blankets and sheets. It is quite fun and adorable.

As I was brushing my teeth, I saw Max's body take a bent forward posture that I have seen many times in the backyard. It was a posture I knew well. No, I thought, he couldn't have. I stepped closer to the bed. But he knows better, I was thinking, he couldn't have. I took another step closer. Yep, he sure did. I looked into the tumble of blankets to see a healthy yellow pool of pee seeping in. Nooooooo!!! Not in the bed!!!! Of all places, not where we sleep!!! Arrggghhh!!!

Moral of the story: Never trust a puppy!

Of mice and men...

A few weeks ago, I went home for lunch to release the puppy into the backyard. I heated up some leftovers and sat in the backyard to eat while Max frolics about! As I was eating, I noticed Max was chewing on something. It sort of looked like a big mushroom or something from a distance. I stopped eating and walked over to have a closer look... it was a mushroom with a tail! Wait! The mushroom had ears too! Crap! It's a mouse! Max was chomping on a field mouse! I quickly told Max to "drop it!" as we were taught in Puppy Obedience class. Usually, this works for almost everything. Max just looked at me and continued munching! This will not do. I went and grabbed his favorite treats and came back and said "drop it!" repeatedly with the treats in my hand. This is usually quite effective, but not this time. He seems to have a treat far superior than anything I could offer him. Ok, so he won't drop it... let's try "Come here boy! Come here Max! Touch!" ("touch" is the command for the puppy to come running and touch your hand with his nose). He just looked at me again and continued munching. Ok, can't let him eat this mouse. Don't know where it has been. The mouse could've died from the plague for all I know. Could've been dead for days. No idea. Have to take the mouse! Time to rush for the mouse! So I made a move to grab a hold of the puppy! Max is pretty fast and he quickly dodges my grasp! He is continues to munch on the mouse as I am chasing him about the yard! I finally corner him and I am able to grab him! He still won't respond to verbal commands! I am hesitant to touch the mouse! It could be infectious! So I turn the puppy upside down holding him near his hind legs and I am trying to shake the mouse out of him! He continues munching! Arrggghhh!!! I try to choke the mouse out of him as I am shaking him upside down! He still won't let it go!!! Ok, time is running out! Have resorted to just prying his jaws open and grabbing the mouse with my bare hands! I turn the puppy right side up and pry his jaws open.... the mouse is gone!!! Noooooooooooo!!!! Arrrggghhhhh!!!!

That's ok. Don't panic. May need to get Max to vomit up the mouse. I remember reading that there is something to can feed a dog to get him to vomit. Need to get the laptop quickly. I look it up... can use hydrogen peroxide! Can't find it! Have to call fiance at her work to ask her where it is! She says call the vet to see what to do! Vet says just to watch him or bring him in so they can watch him. He said to make sure that Max doesn't vomit, diarrhea, convulses, or is lethargic. Will cost a lot of money to have the vet watch him or I can take him with me back to work. But I work at a networking company so it would be very bad for him to chew on network cables and he would be a major distraction. He has already chewed the cable of the AC adapter for the laptop and that was $50 to replace! Or, we can gamble and assume he'll be ok... fiance will come home from work in a couple of hours anyways. Ok, gambing with puppy's life that his mouse was not seriously toxic in some way and the mouse did not die from rat poison. He looks perfectly fine right now. Put Max in his crate and went back to work.

When fiance came home, Max seemed perfectly fine. For the rest of the night, he seemed perfectly normal. However, when I returned at lunch time the next day, Max had diarrhea and it was everywhere in his crate. I'll spare the details on how the cleaning turned out, but it is safe to say, it was not pretty and it was definitely not fun!

It has been over 3 weeks since that horrible day and Max has seen the vet twice and is doing fine and is at about 14 lbs in weight now. I guess having our first puppy eat his first prized mouse was not that bad. I guess we can be very overprotective parents as well.

At my signal, unleash hell...

Max is getting to be pretty big puppy! Max is now probably around 12 lbs and although he's not getting much taller, he is getting to be very long and stout! Unfortunately, we haven't taken any recent pictures of Max to show off but I do have an older picture of Max when he was about 8 and half weeks old. This picture was posted on the daily puppy and someone commented on how much he liked this picture and said, "Ha! Look at him hiding behind the buckets in that 4th pic down! Waiting to attack with cuteness! 'At my signal, unleash hell.' "