Introducing the Maximus Omnifunctional Household Appliance...

We bought an iRobot Scooba about a year ago. If you are not familiar with this incredible piece of engineering, let me tell you about it. Basically, the Scooba is a robotic mopper similar to its brethren, the Roomba, which is a robotic vacuum cleaner. The Scooba is so much more advanced because of how it accomplishes the complex task of mopping. There are four tasks the Scooba performs in the mopping process:

1. First it vacuums up particles and dirt it comes across.
2. Second it soaps the floor by spraying on a fragrant cleansing solution.
3. Third it scrubs the soaped floor with a spinning brush.
4. Finally, it sucks up all the dirtied cleansing solution leaving a clean shine.

Better yet, the Scooba does all of this automatically at a push of a button.

You may think this is quite a fancy piece of hardware that is hard to top. However, this is not our most advanced household appliance we own! No, I am not referring to my fiance. I am referring to our Maximus Omnifunctional Household Appliance...

Whereas the Scooba only mops the floor, the Maximus Omnifunctional Household Appliance can perform the following tasks:

1. Shredder: The Maximus Omnifunctional Household Appliance is extremely adept at shredding pretty much anything. This includes, but does not exclude: Newspapers, paper towels, toilet paper, facial tissue, cardboard boxes, junk mail, magazines, stuffed animals, rubber toys, plastics (such as water bottles) and wooden furniture.
   
2. Dustbuster: The Maximus Omnifunctional Household Appliance has extremely fine-tuned sensors to sense by sight or scent whenever any organic or non-organic item falls to the floor. As soon as such an item falls, the Maximus Omnifunctional Household Appliance will immediately retrieve the item and if organic, the item will be consumed. If item is non-organic, it will be shredded as described above.
   
3. Dishwasher: The Maximus Omnifunctional Household Appliance will take any dirty dishes placed on any floor and lick it to a spotless shine! Guaranteed or your money back!
   
4. Garbage disposal: All manner of non-edible organic material can be disposed of by the Maximus Omnifunctional Household Appliance. This includes, but not does exclude: bones, banana peels, and corn cobs.
   
5. Foot pillow: The Maximus Omnifunctional Household Appliance comes with a handsome carrying case made of all-natural fur. The fur is self heated and scented with a patented Maximus Omnifunctional Household Appliance fragrance. The Maximus Omnifunctional Household Appliance will automatically follow you throughout the house and position itself at your feet wherever you may be sitting, whether you are on the couch in the living room or on a chair in the dining room.
   
6. Security Intruder Detector: The Maximus Omnifunctional Household Appliance includes a finely-tuned set of two large antenna dishes capable of detecting noise in frequencies far beyond the human ear. At the approach of strangers at any entrance of the house or on the premises, an alarm will immediate sound to alert all occupants of the house and the occupants of neighboring houses.
   
7. Acupuncture: The Maximus Omnifunctional Household Appliance comes with built-in needle sharp acupuncture devices which can provide relief from many aches and pains. Note: This feature is still under development and has a tendency to cause many aches and pains instead of relieving aches and pains. This feature is not recommended for use until the firmware has been upgraded.
   
8. Herbicide generator and distributor: The Maximus Omnifunctional Household Appliance has a built-in feature of processing all organic waste collected as described in the dustbuster feature above and then generates a solution that will kill any and all plants, which it will spray with this herbicidal solution automatically on command. Note: this feature is still under development and will occasionally disburse herbicide solution indoors. A firmware upgrade addressing this defect will be available shortly.
9. Fertilizer generator and distributor: The Maximus Omnifunctional Household Appliance has a built-in feature of processing all organic waste collected as described in the dustbuster feature above and then generates a miracle-gro-like fertilizer that is also highly nutritious for all of your garden plants. The Maximus Omnifunctional Household Appliance will automatically alert owners when fertilizer material is ready to be disbursed and will automatically find a location in the yard to be fertilized. As a bonus feature, fertilizer is often disbursed in public parks and in the yards of neighbors when fertilizer material is available.
   
10. Entertainer: The Maximus Omnifunctional Household Appliance is capable of responding to verbal commands to perform tricks of high entertainment value, such as roll-over, sit, laydown and give-paw.
    
11. Stress reliever and personal fitness/health trainer: The Maximus Omnifunctional Household Appliance is great for your health as it requires owners to take walks daily walks around the block and will alarm you if you have been inactive sitting on the couch watching too much television.
12. Greeter: The Maximus Omnifunctional Household Appliance is designed to greet owners and guests alike upon arrival to house and premises. Upon greeting, it will allow owners and guests to wipe and cleanse their hands on its handsome fur carrying case, which again, is scented with the popular, patented Maximus Omnifunctional Household Appliance fragrance.
    
13. Companion: The Maximus Omnifunctional Household Appliance is capable of offering a high amount of companionship to its owners. Although the Maximus Omnifunctional Household Appliance requires excessive maintenance, such as weekly cleanings, the owner is rewarded with constant affection, constant attention, and a warm loving friend.
    

Although the Maximus Omnifunctional Household Appliance has several software defects, the firmware is highly upgradeable and relatively easy to upgrade, though firmware upgrades may be time-consuming depending on the level of upgrade required.

Unfortunately, the Maximus Omnifunctional Household Appliance is not found in stores due to its limited production quantity. There are other Omnifunctional Household Appliance similar to the Maximus Omnifunctional Household Appliance but we have found none that match the powerful capabilities that the Maximus Omnifunctional Household Appliance offers. Regardless, we would definitely recommend our friends to buy an Omnifunctional Household Appliance for themselves as soon as possible to experience the joy of owning one. I think it is safe to say that we truly love our Maximus Omnifunctional Household Appliance and honestly, we don't know how we ever lived without it!